My wife - Allyson - and I moved with our two young children (ages 4 and 7) to Minneapolis from Durham, North Carolina on January 1, 2024. This wasn’t our first relocation, but we are hoping it’s our last!
In 2021, we moved from California to North Carolina, in the hopes of settling down in a place that felt like a good place to raise our kids; a place that we could afford to buy a home; and a place where we didn’t have to be worried about evacuating wildfires. In some ways, Durham fit the bill - it’s a progressive bubble - full of great music, food, and family activities - in an otherwise mostly conservative South. While we lived there, I built a grassroots organization of LGBTQIA+ families working together to create spaces that affirm and celebrate gender diverse children and LGBTQIA+ families. At the same time, NC politicians were doing everything they could to endanger and harm gender diverse youth and LGBTQIA+ families.
"Initially, we considered moving to Minnesota because my wife had an awesome job opportunity. However, the children’s safety, health, and quality of life were major factors in our decision."
Our kids have queer parents but couldn’t learn about queer families in public schools in North Carolina. Our kids use they/them pronouns and we all were constantly advocating and educating teachers, doctors, and neighbors. If our kids ever need gender affirming care, it will likely be many years before that is legal in North Carolina. We often had conversations about our safety when visiting places outside of the Durham area.
Moving is HARD. It’s expensive and stressful. My family is still very much settling into our new routine, new school, new jobs. We are still looking for a more permanent home. And we aren’t naive - we know LGBTQIA+ families are still fighting for equality here too. But the moment we got to Minnesota, we felt RELIEF. Our older kiddo came home and reported that they had several new classmates that used they/them pronouns. I hear caregivers using the inclusive they/them everywhere I go. MN legislators are working to protect rights to gender affirming care and IVF (not that we plan to have any more children!) Organizations are working together to support LGBTQIA+ families that are moving to Minnesota to seek refuge from states that have become unsafe for them to raise their children. So even though the move was difficult, stressful, and expensive - maybe our future doesn’t have to be quite so.
To the LGBTQIA+ families moving here from states that have become unsafe for your family, I want to say WELCOME. I see you. You are not alone. It takes time to find your people, but we are here. And maybe we can all enjoy Twin Cities Pride together this June and feel like we finally live somewhere WE BELONG.